Just...an admirer

 Just...an admirer

The unmistakable expressive eyes of a dancer, the long, thick black hair starting at the big forehead with a long bindi at the centre, the evening lamps of the temple playing magic with her golden earrings  and nose pin, I almost skipped a beat and jumped the clutch of my car. I regained composure and somehow parked my car while a deluge of memories flooded my mind. The last time she called me, there was an uncanny tinge of pride and revenge in her voice. I still remember her exact words" the first person who came to see me, liked me and I am getting married to him" and I did wish her all the happiness. But  was she really happy? Was I an immature idiot (According to her at that time) or was my gut feeling about things to happen (Even at the threat of suicide from her) true? I had no  way of figuring  out what was happening in her life after the bitter breakup five years back other than through insincere facebook updates and pics which generally shows artificially happy faces and insanely hep backgrounds  for even the terminally depressed. I felt like an eager child waiting for results after the exams. Yes I needed to know whether my predictions for her  came true or not. Almost in a trance, I got out of the car and walked towards the peepul tree under which I saw her. Reaching around the corner, there she was turning to fan the crowd with her piercing gaze when she suddenly spotted me, her eyes widened even more, there was a moments hesitation whether to ignore and carry on, I could see her  struggling with her emotions and I felt kind off an instant bonding coz I too went through the same  emotional overdose a while back, I gave a comforting smile and waved to her . She was still shocked when I asked her how she was. I felt it was an insanely huge amount of time when she kept eye contact, thought  and smiled to reply " yes am fine " then she blushed and blushed how, like the times she used to when she was with me. There is a limit to what you can hide from others, some are just too obvious for people who have known each other close enough and long enough to ignore.   Fleeting a last glimpse at her, I cant help but notice the glow in her face, yes she was beautiful and happy. My prediction has cometh true, she is happy in her new world but I felt more elated  for  yes. No wonder I had almost fallen for this  woman, she is beautiful .The beauty of a woman is in making a man feel like one- as a father, son, lover or even just an ardent admirer.

A Blessing

A Blessing

She is lying on my hand. Eyes closed, her sprightly hair slightly teasing my chest, a slight smile spread across her lips like a dreaming baby. A satisfaction that only a woman can express with closed eyes. I know that satisfaction is derived from the fact that she knows that I am admiring her. There are times when you dream with your eyes open and rarer still when you are completely aware with your eyes closed, Feeling and breathing in the warmth of the moment and let heartbeats do the talking. My ego doesn’t allow me to let her know that I envy her satisfaction, but in a trance, I touch her forehead and let my finger rundown through her nose on to her lips. A wave of happiness passes through her body, she swallows a big smile and still eyes tightly shut, turns towards me and hugs me completely and rests her head  on my chest. I part the hair on her forehead and give a small peck and she keeps one leg over me. At peace, completely relaxed, I know for sure a little love and affection is what all beings crave for  and being the source of it a blessing

Gates of Dawn

Gates of Dawn

I feel a shiver through my body.I dig my feet to get some warmth and there is sand. Yes sand between my feet. I clutch my hands and again sand and slight wetness all around the hard surface. My eyes are sour and it pains when I try to open it. I suddenly feel a dryness. My lips,  mouth and all through to my stomach, it feels like ages since I have had some Water. Water, Yes I can hear water and lots of it too .Am I at a beach ?

I try rubbing my eyes, but my hands are stiff. My whole body is stiff from the cold and dampness. I strain and try to open my eyes, against the stickiness of my eyelashes, the first rays feel like slight pin pricks. I shield my eyes with my hand and strain to see the stars straining too, to hold on to their brilliance of last night against the coming dawn. There is a white strike across the sky like a kids first attempt at a bulls eye. The sky is still  black but right at the centre has a  golden hue, trailing off to red, violet and its myriad variants on to the blackness beyond. The birds are coming to and the beach dog is taking a lazy stroll ;even its tail is stiff. Far across, I can see local folks getting ready for their morning voyage across the sea, mangy, noisy but full of life. I compare it to my own daily drag across to my office ; Decked in crisp formal attire, AC on full blow in the car, fresh on the  outside  but  dead inside. But this brings a smile to my face as I realise I don’t have to continue that ritual from today, Yes I have been fired from office and am damn happy about it. Maybe it’s the beauty of the dawn, nothing can keep me from being happy today. I have woken up without an alarm after a long time and doesn’t have to strain my mind to decide what to do next. In the distance I see her walking to me with two cups of tea and my smile reaches a full crescent .Yes , the gates of dawn has opened and the day lays across getting brighter by the moment

An Ode to my Baby

An Ode to my Baby

Those sparkling eyes

Brought a calm like ice

In a heavy heart

soot with years of dirt

But there you were

Bliss, white as feather

Waiting for a savior

Forgive me a lifetime

For the moment I thought

to walk away from the light

Ignorant, with all my might

Hold on - to my lil finger

Bless me, let the faith linger

Fan my sanity a breeze for eternity

U r the angel ,hold on lil one

The poem highlights the dialectic nature of human emotions. A victorious warrior looking for bounty in the battlefield sees a baby alone. Years of fighting with revenge and finally finding victory, the warrior is surprised to see the baby in a state of bliss because of its pure love and inability to hate anyone. He realizes that the baby is the biggest bounty in his life and becomes its savior but in reality it is the baby which is the savior and is essential for the warrior to repent his sins.

Budding love ..

No .. It was not love at first sight but a conscious effort for convenience sake and a leap of faith. As usual the decision was taken by my mom. I just had to nod at the right time which would make her most happy. I know my mom chose you from many and I realised why when I saw your smile and radiance. Yes you are beautiful and anyone will feel lucky to have you home. My mom liking you is very important for me as most of the time I will be away and you will be with my mom. I don’t know how you will adjust with my home and surroundings. Whether you will just blend in or bring in your own grace and color to my home. Coming to see you at your place for the first time, I saw you happy and smiling. I know you have been put up in your best and presented in the best possible manner whether you like it or not. I don’t even know whether you are ready to move out. Your silence further saddens me. Is it helplessness or being dutifully modest?

There is no way of finding what is in your mind. I feel I am a cruel person to take you away from a place where you are so happy. A place you have grown used to over the years and you are sure you will be taken care of in the best possible manner. The love and affection your folks are showing to you, I felt a bit taken aback whether I will be able to give the same. What if you feel like going back after I bring you home ? I know that it is impossible once I make a decision to take you in. I started hating myself for having come for you in the first place. But then I look around and see that there are many more like you. All very well brought up with dedication and love but ready to be uprooted one fine day and taken somewhere else. Right now I don’t have any way of finding what is in your mind. What I can do now is to just trust my gut feeling and resolve to give the best to you whatever happens. Thus resolving to myself that I will give the same care and protection that you are getting now and dreaming how you will be the center of attraction of my home, I took out a 50 rupees note and asked the gardener to take the jasmine pot my mom was pointing to and keep in my car . Looking at you now swaying gracefully in the center of my courtyard, I know that taking you in is one decision I will never repent .

Sun - Flower

I Have seen you as a bud
Grow by day

Heard your prayers
To make your way

I gave my shine
To make you bloom

You gave your smile
And made me a tune

As the day goes by
You question my soul

Again and again- why do I come
Whats my goal

To give you life
And see you wither
Only to loose you
Forever and ever .

Are Politicians So Bad

I am writing this blog on seeing a very touching scene which made me ponder over a lot of incidences that has been going on around us . I felt that there were some connections in all these.

I went to a funeral service of a relative whose father happened to be a prominent ex-politician . It was in a relatively rural area where political clashes are common . A large crowd was present and as usual politics was the discussion on the outer fringes of the function . While the immediate family were grieving , people from across party lanes came in hordes to console. It was either a slight touch, a Namaste or even a look in the eye . It was wonderful to see people who couldn’t see eye to eye in 99 % of matters could see through the colours and ideologies and see real humans among them . I am sure this is one function which most of them attended without expecting any increase in their vote bank . On further nosing around , I understood that most of the senior politicians were from the same college or school where they shared a common class room , canteen and even food , but had different views on how the country should be run and faith in different leaders to give them their ideal country . There was a time when the youth was highly aware of the political situation and a politician was respected for his knowledge of local and national culture , politics and economy . Only the smartest of the lot who could inspire , lead and stand for what they believed in dared to enter politics . Though there were black sheeps in them as in any profession , they knew what it is to connect with the common man or majority .

The highly educated English speaking anchors in national news channels who are ‘speaking ‘ for the people easily tend to forget that these same politicians who are blamed for the Mumbai terror attack to the reservations in premium education institutions are the ones who have got the mandate of the common man . The former was so over sensationalised that even some Americans who are used to sensationalised news were shocked . Live pictures of Anti terror activities were broadcast which gave their viewer ratings and the terrorists the edge over others . Coming back to the function , when no media were present as there was no sensation value , the politicians were united at a time of grief of their comrade without any personal gains in mind that too in busy election time .

A reservation vilification campaign was also on air for some time projecting it as the one big evil force that is dragging the country backward in this competitive world. The new generation apolitical youth also sang the same tune without realizing the intricate socio economic situation of India . After the Mumbai attack , there was also a no tax payment campaign on media by some celebrities who speaks what the media wants to hear .Serious policy matters are left to sms votes which constitute a minuscule percentage of the populace and are projected as the verdict of the people . Such irresponsible campaigns evoked by emotional mis adventures and sensation hungry media may have far reaching consequences . Senior politicians who authoritatively speak for a large section of the people are rudely cut mid sentence by 30 something anchors at their whims and fancy .

So what are the qualification of these people who assume to be speaking for the people ? Being able to speak fluently a foreign language ? Being able to bring sensation and controversy into everyday news ? Being able to glue an equally apolitical upper middle class (the market for their ads) to the T.V ‘s so that they feel they are doing something useful for their country .So after all ,the un educated ,poor English speaking , corrupt politician who is responsible for all things bad in this democracy is also a victim . So the next time you see a breaking news headline or see a tongue tied politician cut off on live television, think who is the real victim. The on screen victim , the politician or you .